Beating for a dream

2010-02-08T07:30:00.001-08:00

And with one last breath,
The waves took everything that was left,
There might be a drought in the future,
But either way,
The waters drew back to the sea.

2010-01-01T08:27:00.000-08:00

This isnt the only place.

I dont know whether i should write a new years resoltuion or maybe im just talking crap as usual, or maybe just want some closure, im not going to be HERE. anymore. I got some selfish things that i want to say but i figured out i should just drop it. I want to tell some people somethings, and put it anny mous here, i realise thats just coward if you dont dare say it in their face and put their names down.

im doing things so much differetly now, but im still me. Like wha ti tld Sam, its vicky with vicky, being like vicky. I am vicky. Not anyone else, and thats going to be how to is, Im living with that next year, actually.. now.

Yeah next years going to be hell difficult to me and well, i am really going to have to walk thru this fog in front of me now, and find my way out. And this time its different, cos I have to do this alone. You arent going to be there for me anymore.

Everything as consequences.
And when it comes back at us,
Face it strongly.
And fight back.
And thats exactly what I'm going to do this year.

How a heart can beat for a dream.
Refine a race till perfection.
Refine a heart's fire. :)

2009-12-30T03:50:00.000-08:00

You know sometimes it feel like your walking into no where,
but you know you have to just keep walking,
Or you'll fall of the trendmill.
You dont know where to go,
but you have to go somewhere,
Even if its in the wrong direction,
you wont know,
you just know that you have to keep walking,
I lost faith today.

but i found another faith at the busstop-.-

But this time its different,
Cos im walking this path alone now.

2009-12-23T23:45:00.001-08:00

Very very very fustrated. Gosh. -.-

2009-12-09T07:04:00.000-08:00

Back to poems, my wound hurts really bad nowdays, I wish the pain will go away, but then again it’s the pain that reminds me that it was real. Heard that?

2009-12-06T17:53:00.000-08:00

Gosh, my cut hurts so much now. D:

2009-12-06T05:58:00.000-08:00

You made me smile, a rather different smile this time. It was superficial, it didnt go deep, but it was enough. Like Jacob. Thought about a lot of things through it. I found it quite amusing- me suffering and feeling, Gosh, what the shit have i been doing all this time, came out like that, like, what the shit have you been doing vicky. I found it quite amusing that i was in pain, and that i couldnt go on, but i found the strength to run the last stretch after hitting it numb totally, and just going for the best. That was enough, for me. Not high, but enough. But we'll aim higher next time. There is going to be a next time, i can bet on it. Cause i will fight for it :)

I know im totally confusing you with what im saying, but thats just how i want it, come here wondering, leave here.. wondering too, no mercy for you xD haha.

Went for HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACKFRUIT! on saturday, but had to leave early, and i had quite a journey back? HAHA. xD oh man.im feeling really hot right now, its kinda burning, maybe a fever, but i can live with it. i like feeling pain nowdays, when your young your afraid of superficial pain, but when your older, you rather that then emotional mental pain, trust me. cos your parents arent there to fix the screwed up problem you got yourself into anymore. its life.

On another note, me, my bro, and my dad- OH we are epic man. hahah. we stood in a straight line while taking a picture and guess what? im 16+, my dads 17+, and my bro 18+, nice right! (: hahaha. Kinda loved it when your gone, we curse openly at a stupid driver, i wanted to just stand in front of him to see if he'll drive into me, he was freaking going the wrong way. I dont mind you know. Somehow, i wasnt scared of anything anymore. When you've lost the most important thing to you. You'll understand. til then, just keep wondering and dont try it.

ohwell, doing CCBKLET, i have no confidance in my drawings. really.

Find the strength, and dont look back.
Dont break the pace.
Remember that?, I do.

What hurts the most? -your gone, and i miss you.
I can say it in your face. And i want you back.
Earn it.
Ohkay.

2009-12-02T21:46:00.000-08:00

If you hurt him any further, I'm breaking up the whole family.
I don't want to be part of the assholes, who let you vent your anger on them.
I don't want to.
Its just so messed up, like you.

2009-11-26T08:11:00.000-08:00

You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect- You aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and make mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break-her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze her and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there. And come back, when you know she’s waiting.

2009-11-26T07:36:00.000-08:00

Katie, don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we shared
Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting
But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright
And when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it so

Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

You're all that I hoped to find
In every single way
And everything I would give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay

Cause I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet
And I need it

So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

Ladada ladada ladadaoh ohhh

And this will be the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
It's been three whole days since I've had sleep
Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
And I miss the lips that made me fly

So, let's not pretend like you're alone tonight
(I know he's there and)
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
(While across the room he stares)
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, she'll say yes

Because these words were never easier for me to say
Or her to second guess
But I guess
That I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable
And I can live without you but
Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best...

Best of Me, Just for you;
I'm tired, tonight, it's gonna be about us, again.
Can we not hold in the screams tonight, dear?

2009-11-24T09:32:00.000-08:00

Dear Knee,
We got to talk.

Take Care,
Vicky.

2009-11-23T06:28:00.001-08:00

Today I cried, while writing: [I Love Us.] on the wall.
And everything that was held back, came rushing out.
Be strong, for whatever that happens for you.
I want to be the one that takes all the pain.

I know I'm unworthy,
to call upon your name..

Bleed thru;

2009-11-22T06:20:00.000-08:00

I am a flower quickly fading.
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapour in the wind.

Still you hear me when i'm calling.

Started the day right, when on my own decisions, got response.
What she said really made a difference today;
"You've grown up"
"If not what, grow down ah?"
Though my response was abit DUH-.-,i thought about it, yeah, what she said, it really made a difference, something ticked/cracked alright. and yeah it hurts. But I got to learn. Keep learning, there isnt going to be people there teaching me now. No one is going to lookout for me. Just got to hold on as long as i can. And if i fall get back up again. Lets see how man times i can get up.

Still cant run tomorrow, can you imagine? the freaking thing still hurts lah. Im bringing my skipping rope there skip when they run i dont want to fall behind. Im tired of seeing them run and i cant.Im not pathetic, just superficially disabled.

And I'm sorry for saying that yeah, but you know the intention of that. But i still apologise lah, i shouldnt have said that. Sorry, friend.

[c81 hall 4;SW IS THERE (: HAHA!]

2009-11-21T09:03:00.005-08:00

Awake now, thinking about stuff. yeah lots of them, what could have been what not and basically everything, theres really alot. Some tears, others destroy, where as some just disappear and fade. But basically, you get the idea, alot of emotions running here right now,and well, theres nothing wrong with that, believe it or not.

Today was slightly eventful. Rushed out in the aftn (: then got scared in the late aftn, and then skipped for a little bit, and felt like im a loser, cos i still cant bend my leg, still cant run on monday,(CRAP). And then went the usual. then i got home for shirt. yeah.

you know when people dont know or are tired of you they just call it;life happened. And then your suppose to get it and just drop the topic totally. Im not a good advisor, but damn, thats a stupid excuse that will hit you later.Its Gods gift of the silent: lets just stop talking my mouth needs a break and so does my brain- I WANT TO SLEEP excuse. haha, sure its nice but really.

I stop what i want to stop believe in.
Doesnt help if you fight against yourself.

Circles?
Unashamed-SF
pieces- sum41.

2009-11-21T07:28:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry, it's all that I can say
You mean so much and I'd fix all that I've done
If I could start again
I'd throw it all away to the shadows of regrets
And you would have the best of me
- Sum 41

For you;
With my Love,
Vicky.

2009-11-18T07:53:00.001-08:00

Maybe we just want a home like that somewhere out there you know, like where the grass is actually, really green, and the flowers, oh very beautiful, how about the sun finally smiling down onto you, and you feel like gosh, for once there is reason to live, oh and talk about the view, it will be breath taking totally beyond your imagination, where no more troubles no more sitting down and worrying, getting really fustrated, but it turns into really hard pain after that,no more running after, you just sit there, and chill, and theres no one to scream at you to breathe down your neck even though they say you have perfect privacy. Where you can openly let go, lie on the ground and feel the wind blow in your hair and acknowledge the existence of it without people with cigarette butts walking right into your face and choking everyone. How about that? Tell me how about that, you know, i dont think this house is nice at all. Maybe i'm just really taking it out on myself today. Or maybe, I really just, its been three days.. Please already, do you see the extent? Please.

2009-11-17T02:25:00.000-08:00

I closed my eyes, and then it hit me,
Gosh, your hot. :D

I was really in a bad mood cos of [something, looks straight at you, i bet you read this], i still am you know, but then i saw something, and i felt better. But its like im still talking to someone non-existant. tsk.

I'll just hug the air till you come here.

2009-11-15T05:18:00.001-08:00

A love so great it keeps you gasping back for more, every single time.
Man, Gosh you are totally absolutely, fantastically,
Breath taking (:

2009-11-14T02:42:00.001-08:00

I dont want to play this sick game anymore.
It hurts.

2009-11-10T07:13:00.001-08:00

Thinking: its really weighing down and i dont want to waste my life like that, i dont want to submit to an irresponsible FREAK like you, I dont want to bear with your moods, I dont want to be the one to pick up after you, OR be the one always doing stuff for you. Im tired, i have a life too you know. I wasnt given life to serve you, no matter how true you think what im saying is. I have a choice.

And today im choosing to stand for what i want, not you, not him, not her. But what i want.

"If you dont stand for anything, You will fall for everything"
I know what i want to stand for, and who to stand for.

Today was, eventful, they saw it and you know, it started raining and there was lightning and thunder and maybe abit of tsunami and then there was earthquake. oh and they saw my arm too, and my dad was like WHAT IS THAT. and oh took out the "tape" on my leg today, you do not want to fall on a glass table or go for stitches, cool? My ass lah. But thing is i can move now, just cant bend all th way still, learn lots of things from this, didnt need to, but since i did, take the good points, smile, and we'll move on from here ohkay. Keep walking, I know you'll go the right way. :)

I believe you.

2009-11-06T23:55:00.000-08:00

I made a choice.

Thanks 19/6 :D
Thats what i live for.

Your name (:

2009-11-03T08:07:00.001-08:00

Its times like this,
You pour salt over the wounds,
Let me hear you screm.

2009-11-03T05:17:00.000-08:00

Fuck you already,
Dont keep saying it,
Do it.

BYWTST.

I am,
I remembered what yirong said months ago, and then i smiled, what she said was so true. Hug Yirong, love you very much batchie! :D

2009-11-01T13:38:00.000-08:00

Its the kinda time where you still look around and wonder where your earth went,
find it soon, love.

I miss you :)

2009-10-31T18:18:00.001-07:00

Then i realised, I cant do this anymore, I cant see you in this state, I cant keep dreaming about you, I cant keep wanting you to be alright.

And then it came to me,
And i smiled

2009-10-31T03:08:00.000-07:00

I'll stop if talking is hurting your friend too.

2009-10-27T22:08:00.000-07:00

Mixed tape.

2009-10-27T21:43:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
A7X.

please kill me painfully.

2009-10-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

I would be lying if i say there was no pain.
My rise and my fall

I canceled the whole page i just wrote, today? Was changed according to what just happened.And i keep avoiding it in a bid to salvage whatever emotions and feelings i can before peering into that one box of painm I'm afraid of the extent, the extent that it will sting, im afraid it will hurt so badly, im afraid that i will not be able to overcome it, im afraid, it'll sta a knife through me so hard that i'd rather feel physical pain again, i would jump right down, or twist the blades round and round, just dont tell mewhat you said,How hard, tell me, how hard can you breathe? With that amount of oxygen in the air,how low can you go, before it kills you.

But you cant avoid it forever, its the truth, walk towards it,take a deep breathe and if it hurts, like it consume you, let it destroy you, becausue you know that this is the way. That one way that leads you to what you want and that, will be the thing driving you.

Church,cut,canceled outing,falsehope,pain,tears,
IM damn tired.
Thanks special dude over there, hug.

2009-10-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

“Things arent going to be perfect”
-Deal with it.
Hope is the reason we live.

Its been massive. Theres so much things happening, I feel so much, but I keep it all in different boxes right now. I don’t want to harp on one, and deprive the rest. It doesn’t make sense, but I don’t want to know the extent of something right now. Its not the time, not now. And its not that im shotchanging you, ignoring you, or just placing you behind me. Its not that you don’t matter, its just that, if you love me, let me find whats killing me. Take it out and throw it away. Its been so long, but if I don’t shut it down completely it’ll never go away. And I want it to, I want it to just be consumed completely, feel it die inside of me and don’t come back.

Its not that I don’t care about you anymore, Its just that I need some time alone. And if I don’t reply, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, it doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotton all about you. I want to give you the best and nothing less. Its not in me to just give you the rest, and I hate that.

Idesya. Its like a needle being pushed right up my artery, consumning and taking. When i look into your eyes and see the barriers draw up. Vulnerability that spreads itself behind the gates, waiting for them to fall over and disappear. Us. When you care, it hurts.

This week was spent, differently. Sunday was eventful. Considering how I kneeled on a glass table, hey one leg on the bed and the other on the glass table and it broke, under my weight=.=, when i reached out to out a sticker on the window, which I later found out couldn’t even stick on the window, and then the glass broke. My brother just looking on my g.aunts hands over her face and me, just watching it flow down. Broke every kiddie thing I promised myself of never being the one in the crutches, never the one who has to do all this. I don’t need your pity. I don’t want you pity, don’t look at me and say that im handicap in your eyes. I’m stronger than that.

I don’t need people like my mum blaming me that im trying to get people to pity me for attention, I don’t need those kind of comments, I don’t need people who pity me. I appreciate and thank everyone for the really bottom of my heart who gave me a hug, said it’s going to be alright, I needed to be reminded, somehow. That things will and can get better.

Its just been roller coaster, going to the hospital in the middle of the night again two days after , then turns out that everythings quite alright, and the next day figuring out that my leg is swollen, my g.aunt compared and told me, then I went crutches for one day, but I really didn’t like the idea of people seeing me in those, I don’t need your pity. I don’t need those thoughts going through your head. I’m fine. And going to the clinic changing the dressing, then feeling happy the doc said I could bend my knee already, then the next day the whole plaster falls off, again making emotions go high in the house, OHNO HOW, then with it showing, some people turn away. Me not being able to bend it in the end without the plaster again, still have to hold it straight. Aching but yeah, then rushing to wrap it up again. That kind of business.

Some like the slow rides in the theme park, others go for a short thrill, then there are those who try it all to decide what they really want. Others head straight first into what they hear, read and think will suit them- assumptions. But whatever ride we choose to take, there will be consequences, it could kill you, it could shake you, It could bore you. But I guess that’s just the way life is. Decisions you make lead you somewhere, if you go off the road, go back to the road and then start walking the right way again, you won’t be at a disadvantage if you walk harder, and focus, but if you continue choosing to walk into nothingness, you’ll go off and never come back. You could lose a part of you, and you could never come back. Hope is the reason we live, we hope for the best, we choose to believe in something to happen, that makes us happy probably. Sometimes hope is what that kills us too. It’s a double faced coin that we keep flipping and putting our faith in. and that drives us, however terrible it might sound. That’s what we live for. Hope.

And our thoughts too,
It’s a long road down/up.
Only you’ll know.

Fam ticket designing, church pubs, class stuff, long road. But I want to here. So that changes everything. I want to be here.
BESTIE! TMR, US, YOU AND ME. :D

“You don’t have to be good or great, just be YOU. And we’ll take your hand and run”
Thanks :D
You just drew a rainbow in my sky.
(So colourful ! )

(Ooooooh yeah)
All the right friends in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
They got all the right moves in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)

Just paint the picture of a perfect place
They got it better than what anyone's told ya
They'll be the king of hearts
And you're the queen of spades
Then we'll fight for you like we were your soldiers
I know we got it good, but they got it made
And the grass is getting greener each day
I know things are looking up
But soon they'll take us down
Before anybody's on our way

They got all the right friends in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
They got all the right moves in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)

Do you think I'm special, do you think I'm nice?
Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces?
Between the noise you hear and the sounds you like
Are we just sinking in the ocean of faces
It can't be possible that rain could fall
Only when it's over our heads
The sun is shining every day, but it's far away
Over the world, it said, they got, they got

All the right friends in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
They got all the right moves in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)

It don't matter what you see, I know I could never be
Someone that'll look like you
It don't matter what you say, I know I could never fake
Someone that could sound like you

All the right friends in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
They got all the right moves in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
All the right friends in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
They got all the right moves in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)

(Yeah, we're going down)
(Yeah, we're going down)
All the right moves, yeah
(Yeah, we're going down)
All the right moves, yeah
(Yeah, we're going down)

I like the tune of this songs, and one republic? Its like they really give it when they sing. I like. Camp comm. Meeting tmr, I like them, a lot, I tell you Rachels really awesome, having to chase someone like me? You can die, seriously, ask Sak she’ll tell you, it’s the last thing on earth you want to do, you really try very hard to smile when I smile at you, I bet they all secretly want to punch my face, hahahaha. Seriously, im preparing for tmr. I am preparing. You guys, I tell you, they are just awesome,
SherwinRachelHanjieXinyiWaiianGiovanniSilingHilaryArielAaron :D Kay, pubs, fam. Parents. Ugh.

Holding your hand;

2009-10-12T19:26:00.001-07:00

Don't ask for pity;
You cant just disappear and then expect to be taken right back in.
Life is what that comes right after you with a knife when you fall down. It cuts more the longer you stay down. You get into this shit, you get yourself out of it. No one is going to be there for you, especially since its YOU. Thats just the hard truth. And i cant help you anymore, i cant help someone who refuses to be helped. I can give, but if you don't take we don't move at all.

I have never given up on you, just that truth be told, i need a break from all this, i don't need to know the one i love has changed so much that i cant even recognise you any more.

I just want to live with the one i love now.
me too xD

2009-09-27T10:19:00.001-07:00

Never let the one you love walk away without telling them you love them.
Step out Vicky; ♥
I'm for it now.

I miss you.
Alot.
One step forward>

2009-09-26T11:02:00.000-07:00

Hold my hand?
18 days; 15 days.

Reexamine how a heart can beat for a dream;

2009-09-26T04:18:00.000-07:00

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
The shadow in the background of the morgue
The unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
We can live like Jack and Sally if we want
Where you can always find me
We'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, I miss you)
(I miss you, I miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted
Webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
[x3]

(I miss you, I miss you) [x4]

IMYHL.

2009-09-05T16:35:00.000-07:00

Im holding down a bleeding pulse.

Dont want to let go looking at it cos the pain will kill,
But then again it being my fault,
So i numb it by holding it down.
Its funny how it seeps in through even the smallest gaps
between your fingers and still consumes you totally.

Excruciating pain.
A pain that bleeds.

CGM; tonight i fall.

2009-09-04T17:05:00.000-07:00

Exactly why i said i had no right to say it.
Let fire burn through the cracks,
consume all emotions,
And dont give them back.

Damn it, i miss you.
Ugh, cancel todays meeting,
im going after you.

2009-08-28T19:23:00.001-07:00

Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard. But if you look close enough you find hope in the words of children, in the bars of a song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you’re lucky, and if you’re the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.
— One Tree Hill

Top of my birthday wishes:
Luckiest person on earth.

2009-08-24T15:03:00.000-07:00

Let it drip dry.

2009-08-22T00:24:00.001-07:00

Todays going to be a long day,
Theres going to be tears,
I can already picture it.

Lets take a photo,
before everything moves.

You got to hurt me,
physically hurt me,
Pull me down,
Like what happened ytd,
If not i'll keep going.
I'll keep running to you.
Its like rugby,
I wont let go of the ball.
Unless you disable me,
Even then,
I'll get up and run after again,
And i will get the ball.
I want to.

2009-08-21T23:21:00.000-07:00

Ambiguity;
Doesnt mean standstill.
But when your hearts turned, the body turns
And if people force you from moving,
You keep your mind on running away.

Your not even there, you might be standing there occupy space blocking people from moving, but your not there. Your mind isnt there, your self isnt there, your hearts not there. So where are you?

2009-08-21T17:19:00.000-07:00

(:
Secrets to yourself,
Scars hidden to yourself,
You walk alone.
Find yourself or fall.
No one knows what your doing.
They dont want to know.
They all want to live.

He wants to help you.
Why do you brush him off.
She wants to talk.
Why did you walk away.
Were you taught to?

Then if its so,
how do you breathe from there.
What do you do with all this choices.

Yesterday i was told to leave the house, I smiled, home is definitely more comfortable than the streets, Im not your bad kid caught by police on the streets at night. It isnt me,you know when the line pulls and breaks. Then do you know what your been through. My parents gave up on me, haha, im sorry i really am i told them. and i really hope they get it, that beneath all this pain they might be feeling, i want them to let go. You can care about me, but dont feel for me. Because i dont want to hurt you, i beg you. I know im being selfish insisting that things have to go my way, but really, i think we can all agree that thets the best choice that can happen now.I like the messy hair style when you wake up in the morning. i like the i have the choice to continue to sleep in feeling today.

I cant live with my delusion and illusions for long, i have to let it sink in real hard, actually, i want to hurt myself, let it sink right in, and burn a hole right through. Everyone thinks its alright, another phase, will pass, but im not that kind, im not the kind that thinks that lifes is fake, that emotions are not real. I think they are. And that they are the most important thing that one has. Lets keep our eyes from wondering off.

I wonder how your doing, how your feeling, mr hurt. Listening to the songs that we listen to. But i got to stop listening to the songs, cos they bring is hurt now. I want to let myself bleed over you, saying that maybe the pain will be easier to comprehend when i can see the extent of it on the table, in blood. And i know its sounds really gross, but you know its that kind of feeling, that, really, cuts you up. And you know the weight of both sides of the pain and if you compare them together, you figure out that maybe that side is better cos you clear it up faster, intense or not, it'll be faster. but i dont want to hurt the audience, i really dont. But then its not about whether it disappears faster or not, its about, where it comes from, you. And that fact is stopping everything from moving. The world asks you to move on. But like what you are, i live be my definitions, and not the general rules. i dont care about them, i know the serve for a reason the greater good, and im for the greater good, but im not for something im not for. I am me, and i have gotten lost in something that isnt me, but, im staying true to me now.The one you loved fro the start. And i'll hold on with what i feel, regardless of what everyone else says. Yeah, i have people that mean to me. I have people that mean to me. And when they look away, i die inside, no doubt about that.

And the truth is i miss you guys. That is real. And as much as things in the world can fall, that is real. But sometimes, feelings take over. Not saying im taking someone else more important over you.

Someone once told me what love was.
As much as we can spin around and go crazy trying to forget the pain we are feeling, it'll be something that comes back right to us, and hit us. Unconditional, I'll be your back up plan, always your back up plan, even if the whole world crashes, your back up plan, me. I'll be your never wavering back up plan.

todays saturday, where do i go?
Got my phone back, so im here.
Really am, (waiting). [shut up]

Thats why (you go away); 25 mintues.
I kinda want to go to the concert.
Alot.

25 minutes is really, the hit of the century, i love the song to bits.
Its what i would say to you right now.

2009-08-15T01:03:00.000-07:00

Its hard without you my shiny friend,
Things get harder to be done.
And its harder with curvy letters.
But i want that.
So,with what i have.

2009-08-14T22:23:00.000-07:00

It was 3 a.m. when you woke me up
Then we jumped in the car and drove as far as we could go
Just to get away
We talked about our lives until the sun came up
And now thinking about how i wish i could go back
Just for one more day
One more day with you

Everytime i see your face
Everytime you look my way
It's like it all falls into place
Everything feels right
Ever since you walked away
You left my life in disarray
All i want is one more day
Cuz all i need is one more day with you

When the car broke down
We just kept walking along
Til it hit this town
There was nothing there at all
But that was all ok

We spent all our money on stupid things
But if i look back now id probly give it all away,
Just for one more day
One more day with you

Everytime i see your face
Everytime you look my way
Its like it all falls into place
Everything feels right

Ever since you walked away
You left my life in disarray
All i want is one more day
Its all i need
One more day with you

Now im sitting here
Like we used to do
I think about my life
And now there's nothin i won't do
Just for one more day
One more day with you

Everytime i see your face
Everytime you look my way
Its like it all falls into place
Everything feels alright
Evertime i here ur name
Everytime i feel the same
Its like it all falls into place
Everything, everything feels right

You walked away just one more day
Is all i need is one more day with you.

Really do.

2009-08-13T08:23:00.000-07:00

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you

Anearobic respiration;
No oxygen.

Be okay; you.

2009-08-11T08:30:00.000-07:00

Saying, keep the face, keep the mask, hopefully things will turn out the way you want it to. But life hits you in the face, and tears it off. It doesn’t see you going that way at all. Strength, its not about who walks off faster, or who can clear everything off first. There is more to life than just that. I call it true love.
One step back, Two steps next to you.

(Thanks, for lending me your shoulder.)
We can walk in a whole circle and still end up next to each other;
Cross my heart.

2009-08-11T06:40:00.000-07:00

But you didn’t wait, and that changed it all.
Ran out of time and patience.
My incompetence.

2009-08-10T10:10:00.001-07:00

Let fire roll off your fingers like water.
Your running in my mind.
Cant sleep till your next to me-

2009-08-10T03:32:00.000-07:00

Dont play with fire.
I'll be the first to make friends with it.
Throw the fire over,
I need it to burn right through me.

Consume the denial,let there be light.
Dont suffocate yourself.

Poems about you.
(that much)

2009-08-09T18:11:00.000-07:00

Saying let it sink through,
Right through the cracks,
Let it burn, And consume,
What denial I've been puttig up.
Let it press salt against the wounds,
And make scars all along its path.
Let there be pain.

Standing between, the darkness,
And the light of dawn,
Living between the gap,
Celebrating your love,
Yet letting it burn right through.

Do you fight for what could be,
Or what there is?
The kind that jumps up and down in pain to vent it.

You lift my feet off the ground,
You spin me around,
You make me crazier,crazier
Feels like I'm falling,
And I'm, lost in your eyes,
You make me crazier,crazier
Feels like I'm falling,
And I'm, lost in your eyes,
You make me crazier, crazier,
crazier... crazier....

Its never too late to be who you want to be, theres no time limit for this. You can change, for better or for worst. And i hope you'll see things you've never seen before, feel things you never felt before. Meet people who give you a different point of view, that one day you'll understand what im doing and know what im feeling. I hope you'll be happy, that you'll live a life worth living. And if you're not, I want you to have the strength to start all over again. I'll walk with you, you might not be able to see me, but i'll always be with you. And, when all is right, I'll sit right next to you. Where i belong.
"You belong with me"

Cross my heart hanjie! xD
Will,eventually.
(ahhhweigttfourevantuaiilli-)

2009-08-08T23:27:00.000-07:00

Instead of saying my ego can take it, i'll say my denial can take it.

Asked me the essential question today, kept veering away from the topic, but i knew i had to answer it, eventually.

2009-08-08T00:30:00.000-07:00

Canceling everything, saying there isnt any doubt in love. Doing what that gets you there is all that matters. It might take long, but as long as it gets you there eventually, its worth it. Asking what do i do with the pain now.

My story.

2009-08-07T23:55:00.000-07:00

Didn’t mean to do that to you guys yesterday, didn’t mean for you guys to find me there like that, didn’t mean for you guys to be late. Didn’t mean for you guys to look at me, and not know what to say, I know you want to help, but you cant, cos you don’t understand. Its something I got to face alone. But I don’t want to face it, I don’t want to do what im suppose to want to do.

Had time to think about stuff yesterday, phone dies at crucial point, again. You tell them, that your going away, and this is you, but you’ll come back, cos you love them, not cos you want them but cos you love them. Theres a difference. She Everyones saying different things, you know sometimes a sponge can only take that much, when you’ve sucked in too much, that’s when you jus blank there. Listen to the ones that mean to you.
Cross my heart. Saying I will. And then puncture a hole through it, cos you’re making a promise on broken land here, does that still stand. If you can even stand on your own, how can you stand on anything else or even run after anything else. Do you see how im talking so much and not getting an answer but I know where my piority is.But what if the one I want to please most is compared with the one I owe the most, does that make a difference?

Clear your debts before you chase anyone, cos it’ll just weigh down on you, then I ask you you think the person will still be there when you come back, you think he’ll still be there waiting for you. You think you deserve that much, you think you’re that good, you think that people are going to look up to you, more like you think he’ll take interest in you? Doubt, can you run even if you cant stand?

Why do you make yourself sound so strong and in control of everything when your not? Really. Its time to do what you’ll do stop going around in circles, be you, without trying to think about whats going on. Its you, without anything clinging onto you. Stop bleeding, stop saying your in pain, Stop numbing yourself stop telling people whats going on, because they don’t care, theres no need to make people worst. Stop. Just stop that’s the best thing you can do. And you already know what the greatest pain is, and you know where its from. So why don’t you approach it? You know, that when didn’t look up when wasn’t present, you knew that , God, you’ve lost the greatest thing in the world, so why aren’t you chasing after it? Do you do what it takes to protect the person you love the most? Getting all the bad things away from the person you love? Isn’t that what you’re meant to do if you really love someone? What if the bad things you, take it away also? No, you wont do anything bad to the person if you love the person.I have defined what idk is, it means; I don’t want to tell you what I think.

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When you're fifteen and your first kiss
Makes your head spin 'round
But in your life you'll do things greater than
Dating the boy on the football team
But I didn't know it at fifteen

You know what means to you, and that changes everything. Sure there are going to be days where you cry, and there will be pain. But, you just need to slash and go. Cut and numb it totally. You want it strong and hard, you got it. Somehow, a part of me left when you left.And that leaves and left me dumbstruck. Why do I only feel when things are related to you. Do I acknowledge the feeling.. Jealousy, pain, their happiness. You cant shut some doors, when you’ve already broken the handle. Don’t. Why are you talking so much and not doing anything about it.
Do something. Cos you know you’ve made up your mind, sometimes, you just got to hold on, to what you think is true. Whether he says its not going to happen, you still hold on, cos, loving someone isnt about whether the person loves you back or not. Its about whether you love the person.

“That’s when you know you’ve found somebody really special. When you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share a silence”- quote.

Tattoo your name across my heart. Its permanent. Take a knife and carve your heart over it, cos you already own it.

2009-08-01T01:12:00.000-07:00

No one in this world is indispensable.
Life is what happens when you plead for it to stop.
Its not about how hard you've fallen,
Its about whether you can get right back up.
I got a week, you think it isnt possible?
I think it is.
Reexamine how a heart can beat for a dream.
Says everything yet reveals nothing.

Saying I've made you wait, I wont anymore.

2009-08-01T00:54:00.000-07:00

If you really love, then you would do what im doing.

Tired of this mess. Not fustrated, not pissed off. Just looking at you. Maybe its pity, maybe its disgust. But i choose to think its pity alright. Cause i respect you.

It when everything stops and you hear the silence. Hear the silence. And then you realise how lonely you are, and its only then that you start feeling around in the dark for whatever you have left. In the dark cos, somehow there seems to be more hope in the dark, cos you know that, in fact you dont have anything, so the dark is your deceiving comfort.

There are something in life that only you can help yourself. Lean on yourself. I took long enough to figure that out. There are things that are worth it, and there are things that arent. Then there are things that can goddamn hurt you, and THEN there are things that come and lie to you. And then they linger to see how long you can last and then laugh at you. There are people that come in, and try to redefine what you've define telling you, you've got it all wrong. But the truth is, you didnt.

Sometimes, when the person points all around, its the pointer itself thats the one. No one has a freaking problem. Its the pointer.

2009-07-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

The numbing blanket.
its like this cover thats being put over you,
and shelters you from everything,
but under it,
much vulnerability,
the kind that stops you dead in your tracks,
and falls even by a touch.

2009-07-26T07:25:00.001-07:00

You had my heart, at least for the most part
’Cause everybody's gotta die sometime, We fell apart
Let’s make a new start
’Cause everybody's gotta die sometime yeah
But baby don't cry

2009-07-26T07:16:00.000-07:00

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never ends

Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)
Don't waste your time on me you're already
The voice inside my head (I miss you, I miss you)

Shut up, I miss you. Big time.

2009-07-26T05:00:00.001-07:00

I never gone with the wind
Just let it flow...
Let it take me where it wants to go
Till you open the door
There's so much more...
I've never seen it before
I was tryin to fly but I couldn't find wings,
But you came along, and you changed everything!

You lift my feet off the ground,
You spin me around,
You make me crazier,crazier
Feels like I'm fallin,
And I'm, lost in your eyes,
You make me crazier, crazier, crazier...

2009-07-24T21:12:00.000-07:00

When darkness turns to light,
I changed, tonight. :)

Hillsong concert later, its kinda sad how we have to have our own hiding places sometimes. But i guess everyones like that some way or another.And evrybody is scared of something, feels insercure about sometimes. But its how we get up, its not about how hard we fall or how hard its going to take to get up. Its about getting up.

And if you can do that,
you make a statement.

You start meaning again.
So would you?
I would.

2009-07-22T08:11:00.000-07:00

Because it's the sound of your voice that brings me home;
-Wait for Me.

2009-07-20T07:19:00.000-07:00

Run for what you want.

2009-07-20T07:09:00.000-07:00

I whine, I rant, I complain. But I kinda enjoyed today. A lot. I really liked it today, so far, except when I came home and got scolding again. But other then that, carls jr was nice :) Somehow, you made me feel the constance I want in my life, the one I desire, you let me taste it again. And I loved it. You made me feel today. Thank you, :)

It’s a vicious cycle, unforgiving and unmerciful. It robs you of your soul and doesn’t leave anything behind- thought about this code today, didn’t think about it for a long long time.

Trust and faith, they are big things. Not that I didn’t know that already, just wanted to be reminded and remind people too. Its something that stays close to you, doesn’t let go. Puts a smile to your face, but can also tear you down completely. I trust you.
You put a smile to my face, today you made me smile :)

Everyone is different in their own way, we might find similarities in each other. But somehow, I don’t think that really stands as an argument for anything. Similarities are similarities, full stop. And then, you move on with life from there. People might find all sorts of ways to comment and link similarities on how its fate or whatever, but seriously,i think sometimes, we should stop rationalizing, and think. (And then differences,they not necessarily are terrible, bad,detrimental to your whole life,its not like you cant live with it.Its the differences that make people stronger,thats what i think.At times, it might seem that differences are just a big hole in the thread joining us together as one,but then sometimes if you look closely at it, you realise..that its the thing that makes up us. And us? WE're strong together,stronger than people with similarities.Dont tell me your going to find someone exactly the same as you, not that i dont believe theres is a possibility of that but as much as you can be similar there will be differences, and well, being too similar, and having small differences[which is definite present]can kill the relationship even faster and make it less strong.So yeah.)And then sometimes you realize, your right, the argument doesn’t stand, and then you will live life again. Stop holding onto your past, cause your past doesn’t hold onto you.

But the future wants to hold you, work with you. And walk with you.

As much as i say,
My hearts here to stay.

2009-07-14T07:29:00.000-07:00

Sometimes i feel like the world is taking turns to brainwash me.
But i guess well, i know what i want.
And until i run dry and wither and die, i wont give it up.

I know im not a flower,
but im not nothing either.

Im not broken, i can be mended.
I am healing.
But you know, sometimes when what heals you, can destroy you? Well,it didnt destroy me, it took a part of me away.
And im going to find that part of me, and then, stay with it.

2009-07-12T06:18:00.001-07:00

I need to get my muscles back so my arms wont hurt when my dad hits me.
Cos it hurts.

2009-07-11T23:16:00.000-07:00

I cant breathe when you mock me, the sadness is just so overwhelming, and the pain is pilling on and pressing on the wounds below. It pushes down so hard on it i get more than numb, i lose control of all my nerves and still feel my heart tearing when im not even sure it still exists.

"tell me, can a broken heart still break"
Quote corpse bride.

2009-07-11T18:36:00.000-07:00

Waiting, wishing, and wanting yours for the taking.
Waiting. Theres always a way.

Important decision today.

2009-07-11T13:23:00.001-07:00

The Magicians of Love ep 6 part 2 (eng sub),3.44
so long as i'm here,you wont have no tomorrow

2009-07-11T11:11:00.001-07:00

Still waiting for you, Please come soon.

2009-07-11T07:19:00.000-07:00

Are you tired?
Cos you've been running in my mind for a long time.
Dont be.

Misunderstood, i got one person in my head right now, and that persons not the person that the person think is. Its YOU. I change my answer, i won't bet with you, cause i KNOW we'll go pass that stage together.

You cant change the truth when it is the truth, i dont lie to you.

2009-07-11T03:11:00.001-07:00

I have emotions, damn it. I am in pain.
And I’m right this time, so right.

2009-07-10T18:40:00.000-07:00

You gave me a reason
Told me that I'll always be yours.
You are my desire
My heart is so on fire for you
I can't stop lovin ya lovin ya
oh no.

'Cuz i don't wanna end up in your rear view
Wanna be someone you can turn to
Baby i never wanna lose you
No there's nothin i wont do

So I watch you like a movie
I'll sing you like a song
Read you like a story
If it takes me all night long
Keep you like a secret
I'll tell you like a joke
It's true, It's true
That I'll love you like I always do.
(love you like i always do)

You are so amazing
You stepped in and saved my life
Every time we are together
My time is yours forever
My world is all yours.

I don't wanna end up in your rear view
Wanna be someone that you can turn to
Baby i never wanna lose you
No there's nothinn i wont do

So i watch you like a movie
I'll sing you like a song
Read you like a story
If it takes me all night long
Keep you like a secret
I'll tell you like a joke
It's true, It's true
That I'll love you like I always do.

Baby I'll never leave no I'll never leave you.

So i watch you like a movie
I sing you like a song
Read you like a story
If it takes me all night long
Keep you like a secret
I'll tell you like a joke
It's true, It's true
That I'll love you like I always do.

I didnt go anywhere,I was always here,
*points to your heart*, with you.

2009-07-07T15:07:00.000-07:00

It because i can control myself, and i love you, that im doing this. I know you.

2009-07-07T14:44:00.000-07:00

There are going to be times when you're all alone and you start wondering what the hell have you been doing,and then there are going to be times where you sit around and thrase things out with people you love and trust.Then there are going to be times when you feel like you cant hold on any longer and you just want everything to stop. Just stop, even for a second, for you to consider and maybe make another better chioce at the road your taking.And then there will be times where you look around at how the situation is going and you think, damn.

But there will also be times when you know you'll hold on because its what your heart really wants despite everything.And there will be times when you will regret if you dont go for it.

What im trying to say is, there are times when we really feel like letting go, but we cant, cos what we really wanted is here all along, and for you, maybe you just need someone there for you all along, and then you can find your break, with that person. We wouldnt go in circles,we'll walk together,i promise. There are stuff in life we dont like, but if we hold on, im sure, you'll see the brighter side of stuff. And that, will capture you in its attention forever.

So hold on, please.
I'll hold your hand through it all.

2009-07-05T03:59:00.001-07:00

Now,I've found,the greatest love of all,is mine.
I need to get it back.

Forgiveness is a process,
love remains the same.
I dwell in my unworthyness,
and want to try harder to be loved.

Im not hopeless.

2009-07-03T21:18:00.001-07:00

"Zooey, I know its only been eight months, but I am so madly, insanely, ridiculously in live with you, will you marry me?"

(meeting his tour group and introducing himself to an elderly couple) "I'm Irv Giddian and I've come here to see as many ancient ruins as possible and judging from your husband, the trip is already a success."

“They have struck us from within and are threatening us all with destruction from their new God, science. They call it retribution."

(responding to Jedediah's threat) "Well played Jedediah! I just can't take him seriously, he is just so adorable! Even when you're threatening me, it's hilarious. Is it just me or are these guys just unbelievably cute?"

(Claire: "If I told you I loved you, would it make any difference?") "If you told me or I believed you?"

(consoling Evan after a disasterous presentation) "Hey man, sometimes the best spear is the one you don't throw. Ain't nothing but a thing."

(apologizing to Cha-Ka) "I treated you like a toilet. A toilet. I want to make it up to you. Because the love I feel for you, and I'm not exaggerating, is a billion times greater than the love for mankind that Jesus felt on the cross. You can take that to the bank."

YOU

2009-07-03T02:16:00.000-07:00

Turn back the clock.
I decide where to stop.
and replay.

I miss you.

2009-06-28T08:48:00.001-07:00

Fighting for, what i want so badly.

2009-06-28T01:59:00.000-07:00

Are you smiling?

2009-06-22T21:40:00.001-07:00

20mins.
My water.

2009-06-17T07:00:00.001-07:00

I'll live our memories,
till you come back to me,
and then we'll live them together,
and make manymany more.

Or we wouldnt need memories at all,
cos well be living by each others side.
Forever.

Gonna grow old with you.

2009-06-16T02:36:00.000-07:00

I kept my heart in your safe and locked it,
So now, my hearts with you,
All the time,
Forever.

Invincible :)

2009-06-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, Life IS better busy.
Meaningless? Maybe, not necessarily.

2009-06-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

Daddy, Mummy, let me go if you love me.
I hate seeing you upset cause its my fault.

You think they can forgive you? Its your fault.

2009-06-06T19:07:00.000-07:00

Still wanting you;

2009-06-05T09:49:00.001-07:00

If you jump down,
(And you don’t want me to jump)
I wun jump with you,
I’ll be at the bottom to catch you.

2009-06-05T03:35:00.000-07:00

Some People Laugh
Some People Cry
Some People Live
Some People Die
And Some People Run
Right into the Fire
And Some People Hide
Their Every Desire

But We Are The Lovers
If You Don’t Believe Me
Then Just Look Into My Eyes
Cause The Heart Never Lies

Some People Fight
Some People Fall
Others Pretend
They Don’t Care At All
If You Wanna Fight
I’ll Stand Right Beside You
The Day That You Fall
I’ll Be Right Behind You

To Pick Up The Pieces
If You Don’t Believe Me
Just Look Into My Eyes
Cause The Heart Never Lies

Another Year Over
And Were Still Together
It’s Not Always Easy
But I’m here Forever

Yeah We Are The Lovers
I Know You Believe Me
When You Look Into My Eyes
Cause The Heart Never Lies
Cause The Heart Never Lies
Cause The Heart Never Lies

-
Embedded within.
You cant hide somethings.
Not a stumble, but a fall.
For you.

2009-06-04T06:15:00.001-07:00

Look at me,
I dont deserve this.

Today, my dad asked me if i was going crazy,
you think?

2009-06-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

If you think i cant feel your pain,
Im giving you rope, tie me,
and then kick me, hurt me.

And when you've seen me bleed enough,
screamed enough, touched your pain,
felt your pain, then stop if you want to.

I want you to see i can feel your pain if you cant believe i am.
Everything else stops meaning when you start hurting, everything faces you.
But when you look away,
My heart falls, And it doesnt get back up till you do.

Its what your pain does to me;
starts a fire inside,
burns everything dry,
leaving me empty,
and hopeless.

Start believing, cos its a start, but its not the ending.

Learning to start the fire-
You'll see it when it burns.

2009-06-01T07:48:00.000-07:00

Life is hard for you isnt it?
Life? What Life? I dont have a life.

Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

(edit)(/edit)
Dont let the hole burn at the edges anymore. If you really want a hole, take a penkinfe and cut it through.

Let it bleed, only then will it heal.
But even if it does, whats held on
will always stay-

2009-05-29T22:02:00.001-07:00

Its been crazy. But I guess, when you get what you want, the whole world stops moving and then theres just you and yours. Everything just shows in the end. Whatever you have is whatever you have. Nothing else. I’ve been selfish, not unselfish, but plain selfish, you guys are wrong, im the bad person here. Its my fault, I am responsible. Everything is like snow falling, melting everything going downwards, disappearing and you get to sit down and ask, what went wrong , where. But they are taking away even that time to think now, aren’t they bitchy. And right now, my parents have given up on me. I feel sad. But I feel, I don’t know. Angry, sad, pathetic. But I guess, no one really cares bout how you feel, I mean, wake up, this isn’t some counseling world. It’s the world, people throw you into terrible situations to see how strong you are, they fling you there to see if you can live. And then when its all over, whats left is whats left, nothing else. It really makes you stand up for what you stand for. Asks you to choose how much you want something, makes you show it, and then asks you, are you happy with it? Well, Im sorry. And lets not say sorry anymore, cos sorry doesn’t mean anything anymore friend. Its just an acknowledgment of your mistakes. Nothing else. It doesn’t change no nothing.

They ask you,
How much would you run for?
I’m asking you now,
How much would you run back for?

I don’t think you’ll get it, but if you do, (yay you). Stand for what you are, that’s what someone told me. Its funny, how some teachers are just pathetic, while others make sense. Just that not everyone knows it. Well, this one made a difference on me. Made me sit up and listen. And I’ve haven’t sat down ever since.

Its like asking me to run again,
So I will, but this time, I’m not going to stop,
I’ll just pull you along if I have to.
And we’ll keep running,
Till there’s nothing at all~

在水里在火里
我的爱不偏不倚
就算时光倒回去
我也追到石器世纪
在风里在雨里
你的雨伞吹翻过去
我绝对毫不犹豫
为你披上我的外衣

是你让我看透生命这东西
四个字--坚持到底
如果没有你
我的生活回到一片狼藉
是你让我翻破爱情的秘笈
四个字--坚持到底
不管有多苦
我会全心全力爱你到底
我会全心全力坚持到底

当你看进我的眼里
我的心颤抖不已
请让温柔地说一句
感觉累了时候让我抱紧

2009-05-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

When i look at you,
my heart still flutters.

2009-05-26T09:25:00.000-07:00

Can you love the hopeless?

-

2009-05-23T08:09:00.000-07:00

Today I learnt to inflict physical pain as a distraction to miss datelines.
I learn to lie because of promises.
And I learn to smile because of pain-

Its been a long fight, and its not going to be over soon. I really wonder, I wonder whether I can make it to the other side eventually or not. Should I take a step forward if I know I might fall or stumble hard? Or do I just go on asking and settling consequences as they come. Then do I look towards future mishaps or troubles or do I just take it as it comes? People ask for answers when they already have them, its in the head again. Always the head. Some are trained, others not. Self train, train trained, same thing. Lifes looking up, if you see it from that POV, when you lose everything, what do you stand on? Then, how do you stop the pain again?

I lts Ily, wId.
And most of all, I learn to shut myself up.
And wait. Even if it means tearing apart.

-tmr running alone, I really wonder how I am going to in the crowd, must rmb to breathe. Rn, (insert smiley face here)

Come Back To Me-
you say you gotta go and find yourself
you say that you're becoming someone else
don't recognize the face in the mirror
looking back at you

you say you're leavin
as you look away
i know theres really nothin left to say
just know i'm here
whenever you need me
i'll wait for you

so i'll let you go
i'll set you free
and when you see what you need to see
when you find you come back to me

take your time i wont go anywhere
picture you with the wind in your hair
i'll keep your things right where you left them
i'll be here for you

oh and i'll let you go
i'll set you free
and when you see what you need to see
when you find you come back to me

and i hope you find everything that you need
i'll be right here waiting to see
you find you come back to me

i can't get close if your not there
i can't get inside if theres no soul to bear
i can't fix you i can't save you
its something you have to do

so i'll let you go
i'll set you free
and when you see what you need to see
when you find you come back to me
come back to me
so i'll let you go
i'll set you free
and when you see what you need to see
when you find you come back to me

and i hope you find everything that you need
i'll be right here waiting to see
you find you come back to me

when you find you come back to me
when you find you come back to me
when you find you come back to me

2009-05-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

Im watching a stupid show now, thinking its stupid and feeling pissed off.
-I typed out a whole paragraph and I deleted it-
I think this is a good show.

Lifes been life, like someone smacked me on the face. My mum knows i swear at her n front of her, I cannot stand her really, shes just an immature kid.
-
Not that oh I know shes doing it for my own good SHIT anymore, im tired, really. Don’t tell me all this SHIT anymore, love me, SAVE ME. Don’t punish me, don’t give me your shit attitude. All this time I’ve shut up cos I respected you, but I guess you freaking don’t realize that don’t you? Im sick of being the listen to my parent kid already,SICK OF IT. Everyday, I just go up to my room, thank God for giving me fortunate stuff, like my own room, and then ignore everyone else in the house. Till my father threatens and the scolding thing he does, then I drag myself to pretend to slp and then wake up when their gone and then continue with what I want.
-
lots of deleting, I hate complaining and talking about them, but hey the paragraph ended like that-
Not going to try to teach them what im thinking about anymore, you want me as your daughter, FREAKING SHUT UP MOTHER.

My whole feet is bandaged up again, the blisters came back. Hee. My toes have too so yea, not to talk about my sad shoulder,fixfixfix! But yeah, its been crazy,
But you gotta hold on-
Hold on , together (us).

I like what yirong said,/quoted:

You give me your best, or I don’t want it-

100/100 + bonus points man :D
I dont want your money,i want a honey :)
(I think its cute)
BUT ITS TRUE!

Run ah!

2009-05-21T08:57:00.001-07:00

No one told me
The right way
The right way to go about this
So I'll figure it out for myself
Cause how much
Is too much
To give you
Well I may never know
So I'll just give until there's nothing else

Yeah I'll give give give (until there's nothing else)
Give my all (until it all runs out)
Give give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left
I'll give

No one told me
How bad I need you (need you)
But I somehow arrived
To that conclusion all by myself (all by myself)
And I want
All you have to offer (to offer)
So I offer myself and I'll just give until there's nothing else

And I'll give give give (until there's nothing else)
Give my all (until it all runs out)

Give give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left to
Give give give (until there's nothing else)
Give my all (until it all runs out)
Give give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left

Sometimes it seems
Like all I ever do
Is ask for things
Until I ask too much of you
But that's not the way (that's not the way)
I wanna live (I wanna live)
I need to change (I need to change)
But something's got to give
Yeah something's got to

Give give give (until there's nothing left)
Give my all (until it all runs out)
Give give (and I'll have no regrets)
I'll give until there's nothing left to give
Give give give (until there's nothing left)
Give my all (until it all runs out)
Give give
Give until there's nothing left
I'll give

2009-05-18T07:21:00.001-07:00

Your giving me a penknife and asking me, which one do you want to cut, the left one or the right one?I've been in dilema, thinking and thinking about it for so long.And well, theres been this distinct answer and I know the answer all along, I know what I have to do. Then wtf am I doing ? Something is holding me back. Just cut off both wrists already, humans are like that. All of them know how to get over someone easily. They can. No one will remember me after that. And that is the best solution now. There isn’t a answer to the question anymore, its a solution. Kill me, don’t trust me, I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. Just take my life, I’ll throw it at you. You don’t have to return it back anymore. I don’t want it back.

I’m hurting. But I don’t want you to hurt, I’m selfish, I just want you alright.
My fault.

Today we learnt that there is something on top, better than the greater good. Stage 6.
Bye.

2009-05-18T07:02:00.000-07:00

Dont trust me anymore-
Please.

I have my reasons, just go.
I'll come back, when i've found myself.

2009-05-11T05:12:00.000-07:00

When life trips you,
You put your foot out to trip it back-

Thousand of candles can be lit from a single candle,
And the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases form being shared-
Life goes on, grab onto something and hold on when times get tough, we'll make it through together.Stride by stride, hand in hand.

PS, (HI XINGZHI!you found me :o xD) haha :)

Run; :)
Keep running, we'll keep the flame burning-

2009-05-02T17:33:00.000-07:00

It amazing how life goes on when you think it doesnt even pass-

I figured out you got to hold on to something if you dont want to drift away into nowhere and come back plain blank wondering what is life.You shouldnt start if you know its going to end, but now that i know its not going to end, im going to hold onto it, forever. Nevermind if you dont get it.SS paper, tmr, chem tmr.haha,get married to terence chong guy,last time was lky,heh.yea.tsk. I need to hold on to something before i smash my head against the wall.

Lifes been like that: icecream,orange,cake,explosion,pain,smileyfaces,grouplove,
team,hittingmeeveryfifteensecstomakemenotfallaslpinclass,people,
busrides,phonecalls,sms,handphoneconfiscated,runningaway,parentsshouting,
comparingagain,math,badresults,tears,die,rice.

But life has also been like that:
(:
A weak,doubting,crying smile.
But nonetheless, still a smile.

It really confuses me what i say sometimes, but i guess, i need to hold on.
I dont want to leave anyone behind, we'll make it through, together.
Even if together takes forever.

2009-04-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

People, stop dying.
Speak for yourself, ass.

Keep the fire burning, for us-