“Things arent going to be perfect”
-Deal with it.
Hope is the reason we live.

Its been massive. Theres so much things happening, I feel so much, but I keep it all in different boxes right now. I don’t want to harp on one, and deprive the rest. It doesn’t make sense, but I don’t want to know the extent of something right now. Its not the time, not now. And its not that im shotchanging you, ignoring you, or just placing you behind me. Its not that you don’t matter, its just that, if you love me, let me find whats killing me. Take it out and throw it away. Its been so long, but if I don’t shut it down completely it’ll never go away. And I want it to, I want it to just be consumed completely, feel it die inside of me and don’t come back.

Its not that I don’t care about you anymore, Its just that I need some time alone. And if I don’t reply, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you, it doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotton all about you. I want to give you the best and nothing less. Its not in me to just give you the rest, and I hate that.

Idesya. Its like a needle being pushed right up my artery, consumning and taking. When i look into your eyes and see the barriers draw up. Vulnerability that spreads itself behind the gates, waiting for them to fall over and disappear. Us. When you care, it hurts.

This week was spent, differently. Sunday was eventful. Considering how I kneeled on a glass table, hey one leg on the bed and the other on the glass table and it broke, under my weight=.=, when i reached out to out a sticker on the window, which I later found out couldn’t even stick on the window, and then the glass broke. My brother just looking on my g.aunts hands over her face and me, just watching it flow down. Broke every kiddie thing I promised myself of never being the one in the crutches, never the one who has to do all this. I don’t need your pity. I don’t want you pity, don’t look at me and say that im handicap in your eyes. I’m stronger than that.

I don’t need people like my mum blaming me that im trying to get people to pity me for attention, I don’t need those kind of comments, I don’t need people who pity me. I appreciate and thank everyone for the really bottom of my heart who gave me a hug, said it’s going to be alright, I needed to be reminded, somehow. That things will and can get better.

Its just been roller coaster, going to the hospital in the middle of the night again two days after , then turns out that everythings quite alright, and the next day figuring out that my leg is swollen, my g.aunt compared and told me, then I went crutches for one day, but I really didn’t like the idea of people seeing me in those, I don’t need your pity. I don’t need those thoughts going through your head. I’m fine. And going to the clinic changing the dressing, then feeling happy the doc said I could bend my knee already, then the next day the whole plaster falls off, again making emotions go high in the house, OHNO HOW, then with it showing, some people turn away. Me not being able to bend it in the end without the plaster again, still have to hold it straight. Aching but yeah, then rushing to wrap it up again. That kind of business.

Some like the slow rides in the theme park, others go for a short thrill, then there are those who try it all to decide what they really want. Others head straight first into what they hear, read and think will suit them- assumptions. But whatever ride we choose to take, there will be consequences, it could kill you, it could shake you, It could bore you. But I guess that’s just the way life is. Decisions you make lead you somewhere, if you go off the road, go back to the road and then start walking the right way again, you won’t be at a disadvantage if you walk harder, and focus, but if you continue choosing to walk into nothingness, you’ll go off and never come back. You could lose a part of you, and you could never come back. Hope is the reason we live, we hope for the best, we choose to believe in something to happen, that makes us happy probably. Sometimes hope is what that kills us too. It’s a double faced coin that we keep flipping and putting our faith in. and that drives us, however terrible it might sound. That’s what we live for. Hope.

And our thoughts too,
It’s a long road down/up.
Only you’ll know.

Fam ticket designing, church pubs, class stuff, long road. But I want to here. So that changes everything. I want to be here.
BESTIE! TMR, US, YOU AND ME. :D

“You don’t have to be good or great, just be YOU. And we’ll take your hand and run”
Thanks :D
You just drew a rainbow in my sky.
(So colourful ! )


(Ooooooh yeah)
All the right friends in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
They got all the right moves in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)

Just paint the picture of a perfect place
They got it better than what anyone's told ya
They'll be the king of hearts
And you're the queen of spades
Then we'll fight for you like we were your soldiers
I know we got it good, but they got it made
And the grass is getting greener each day
I know things are looking up
But soon they'll take us down
Before anybody's on our way

They got all the right friends in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
They got all the right moves in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)

Do you think I'm special, do you think I'm nice?
Am I bright enough to shine in your spaces?
Between the noise you hear and the sounds you like
Are we just sinking in the ocean of faces
It can't be possible that rain could fall
Only when it's over our heads
The sun is shining every day, but it's far away
Over the world, it said, they got, they got

All the right friends in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
They got all the right moves in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)

It don't matter what you see, I know I could never be
Someone that'll look like you
It don't matter what you say, I know I could never fake
Someone that could sound like you

All the right friends in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
They got all the right moves in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
All the right friends in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
They got all the right moves in all the right places
(so yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)
I said everybody knows, everybody knows where we're going
(yeah, we're going down)

(Yeah, we're going down)
(Yeah, we're going down)
All the right moves, yeah
(Yeah, we're going down)
All the right moves, yeah
(Yeah, we're going down)

I like the tune of this songs, and one republic? Its like they really give it when they sing. I like. Camp comm. Meeting tmr, I like them, a lot, I tell you Rachels really awesome, having to chase someone like me? You can die, seriously, ask Sak she’ll tell you, it’s the last thing on earth you want to do, you really try very hard to smile when I smile at you, I bet they all secretly want to punch my face, hahahaha. Seriously, im preparing for tmr. I am preparing. You guys, I tell you, they are just awesome,
SherwinRachelHanjieXinyiWaiianGiovanniSilingHilaryArielAaron :D Kay, pubs, fam. Parents. Ugh.

Holding your hand;