Didn’t mean to do that to you guys yesterday, didn’t mean for you guys to find me there like that, didn’t mean for you guys to be late. Didn’t mean for you guys to look at me, and not know what to say, I know you want to help, but you cant, cos you don’t understand. Its something I got to face alone. But I don’t want to face it, I don’t want to do what im suppose to want to do.

Had time to think about stuff yesterday, phone dies at crucial point, again. You tell them, that your going away, and this is you, but you’ll come back, cos you love them, not cos you want them but cos you love them. Theres a difference. She Everyones saying different things, you know sometimes a sponge can only take that much, when you’ve sucked in too much, that’s when you jus blank there. Listen to the ones that mean to you.
Cross my heart. Saying I will. And then puncture a hole through it, cos you’re making a promise on broken land here, does that still stand. If you can even stand on your own, how can you stand on anything else or even run after anything else. Do you see how im talking so much and not getting an answer but I know where my piority is.But what if the one I want to please most is compared with the one I owe the most, does that make a difference?

Clear your debts before you chase anyone, cos it’ll just weigh down on you, then I ask you you think the person will still be there when you come back, you think he’ll still be there waiting for you. You think you deserve that much, you think you’re that good, you think that people are going to look up to you, more like you think he’ll take interest in you? Doubt, can you run even if you cant stand?

Why do you make yourself sound so strong and in control of everything when your not? Really. Its time to do what you’ll do stop going around in circles, be you, without trying to think about whats going on. Its you, without anything clinging onto you. Stop bleeding, stop saying your in pain, Stop numbing yourself stop telling people whats going on, because they don’t care, theres no need to make people worst. Stop. Just stop that’s the best thing you can do. And you already know what the greatest pain is, and you know where its from. So why don’t you approach it? You know, that when didn’t look up when wasn’t present, you knew that , God, you’ve lost the greatest thing in the world, so why aren’t you chasing after it? Do you do what it takes to protect the person you love the most? Getting all the bad things away from the person you love? Isn’t that what you’re meant to do if you really love someone? What if the bad things you, take it away also? No, you wont do anything bad to the person if you love the person.I have defined what idk is, it means; I don’t want to tell you what I think.

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When you're fifteen and your first kiss
Makes your head spin 'round
But in your life you'll do things greater than
Dating the boy on the football team
But I didn't know it at fifteen

You know what means to you, and that changes everything. Sure there are going to be days where you cry, and there will be pain. But, you just need to slash and go. Cut and numb it totally. You want it strong and hard, you got it. Somehow, a part of me left when you left.And that leaves and left me dumbstruck. Why do I only feel when things are related to you. Do I acknowledge the feeling.. Jealousy, pain, their happiness. You cant shut some doors, when you’ve already broken the handle. Don’t. Why are you talking so much and not doing anything about it.
Do something. Cos you know you’ve made up your mind, sometimes, you just got to hold on, to what you think is true. Whether he says its not going to happen, you still hold on, cos, loving someone isnt about whether the person loves you back or not. Its about whether you love the person.

“That’s when you know you’ve found somebody really special. When you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share a silence”- quote.

Tattoo your name across my heart. Its permanent. Take a knife and carve your heart over it, cos you already own it.