"Zooey, I know its only been eight months, but I am so madly, insanely, ridiculously in live with you, will you marry me?"

(meeting his tour group and introducing himself to an elderly couple) "I'm Irv Giddian and I've come here to see as many ancient ruins as possible and judging from your husband, the trip is already a success."

“They have struck us from within and are threatening us all with destruction from their new God, science. They call it retribution."

(responding to Jedediah's threat) "Well played Jedediah! I just can't take him seriously, he is just so adorable! Even when you're threatening me, it's hilarious. Is it just me or are these guys just unbelievably cute?"

(Claire: "If I told you I loved you, would it make any difference?") "If you told me or I believed you?"

(consoling Evan after a disasterous presentation) "Hey man, sometimes the best spear is the one you don't throw. Ain't nothing but a thing."

(apologizing to Cha-Ka) "I treated you like a toilet. A toilet. I want to make it up to you. Because the love I feel for you, and I'm not exaggerating, is a billion times greater than the love for mankind that Jesus felt on the cross. You can take that to the bank."

YOU