I don’t know whats going on anymore. But I know I got to figure the way out myself. Because, no one will pick you up properly when you fall. Sure there are people who pick you up, but do you think they do it because they care? Well, im telling you now, that lifes not like that. And falling. Is falling, without catching.

I hate being in situations where I get used. I feel so freaking pissed up that I want to crush that person and burn it like paper with the lighter. I don’t know what the hell is going on anymore. Its like last time. And last time wasn’t exactly a good time. It was painful but fulfilling, but now its just painful. And I cannot be bothered.

I hate saying I cant be bothered. I really hate people who say that.
I should just shut up.

I really don’t get how we can fall apart and be so happy together in just one freaking second. But you make it possible. Its like saying “I love you” with so much pain in your eyes. How ironic is that? How painful is that? You known when you do that, its not YOU who bloody say it that is in pain, but do you know it’s the listener that is?

I should stop getting all worked up ready, cos when I do that, I eat, and everyone knows what happens when I eat.

I am very capable of talking to myself as you can see.
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I just deleted my whole paragraph of trying to hit the point in the middle.
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But now im just stuck with something you said today. I don’t understand why it brings me so much pain. Everyone is on my side now. Everyone has the same view. They say quit, let go, its not worth it. Well, let me tell you something, I ALREADY know all this. I know how its feels, how it could be, and how much better it could be. But I cant do anything to it now, and its eating its way thru me, the pain is devouring me, and I don’t think that I can stand up with all this pain any longer. Really, its not some kind of oh-forget-it-and-move-on-with-life thing. Its like a serious tumour pressing on my self-esteem blood vessel. I cant breathe.

But I HAVE to, I HAVE to stand up myself, cos no one will stand up for me. I’ve said this so many gazillion times already. Its about time I stopped doing it. And start doing it. Let it drop off the side of my shoulder and walk on.

Because, I don’t want to remember this.

Im really in a lot of pain now, But the funny thing is that I’ll shut myself up just so I wouldn’t hurt you, do you know how much you mean to me already?