i find no meaning in life now. im doing bad with netball. thinking about following stanleys idea of quiting. i mean. i lost the passsion, theres no use holding on to this. please dont try to talk me out of my mind. i lost it. and i will not find it. trust me, you know i might sound really fucked up, but i hate it when i see netballers improve and i dont. i dont know how to improve. and i DONT want to know, cos somethings holding me back and i dont want to care. i DONT want to.

sorry, but im suppose to be strong, i promised, but.. im letting go now, cos.. i dont find any meaning in everything.you know it sounds stupid i think so too, but i hate reading twilight and new moon. cos i cry alot when i read it. cos it brings alot of pain, and im such an overemotional bitch. but im not a bitch. cos i see one bitch everyday, and im not as bad as her.

chrystals not contactable now, and no nigel i dont care. i refuse to believe that she'll ever get angry at me for my sacasm. so dont talk nonsense please. i refuse to believe she doesnt care. shes jus busy.

training tmr, mixed feelings. maybe i should follow nicole and go into triatheltics. i got body liao, i think i got alot of potential. somethings holding me back and i refuse to believe its rgs. nope.

i was wondering..i do fit into the categories, does it mean that im one of them? my scars are getting worst, and i know im suffering from it. but i think i'll keep mum for now. dont like it when other people know.

fuck training.i love training.

soemthing else is holding me back;