Im not being emo or wadever lah..but sometimes I do wonder why on earth am I here for.i mean of course there has GOT to be a reason lah.haii.AND IM NOT BEING EMO.I finally got it drilled in that being emo is not good.

How?becos someone told me.you know..ppl might go thru this everyday and all.but yea.someone can telll you and console you like he or she was the best counselor on earth.but it still wouldn’t go into your head.cos you dun even gif a bloody damn abt who that person is.but,let say if you like this certain person.you’ll listen to every bloody word he says.even if its not intentional and he doesn’t even mean it.you’;ll take it as an encouragement,yea.so that’s my point.haha.im jus trying to say sth loh.a bit random rite..hehe.

As I was saying I’ve been thinking and thinking.why on earth and im here for.i wanted to nag on how much I dun have a family and all.but I decided not too.too lazy!haha.im jus sad that idun have such a close kit family.im reali sad about that.thou I know that my bro is quite close to me.and I have a feeling that we will become closer as we grow up.for some reason I do all.dun ask why.its instinct!?haha/anw for YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE!if you every become parents have a close relationship with your children ok.cos when you guys are separated, you can never get close again trust me.i know.some times I want to strengthen the =bond wif my parents.but I duno .its too late.aiya.shall not let my vision get Misty AGAIN/

That s only one aspect of my life ohwells.
This is wad im most sad about now.i cant seem to find the old past me back.the past where I could jus sit there and mug for 4 hours str.mayb five oso.i lost it.now I cant even sit still for 5 mins.without running around.the determination is all gone.i miss the confidence I had last time.and wad Bernard said reali changed me(KUDOS TO BERNARD)say not say wad he said.DUN TELL THEM BERNARD.im serious. And I no longer have the hope and the aim..i dun aim anymore.and it’ll started when I wenrt into this sch.hauii.

Sometimes I think,I dream if I had stayed on wif dom none of this would happen.but I jus had to itch I go out.and get into all this mess.i admit,I did beter in English after crying screaming and all.somehow I found the key to express myself.(IM NOT RECOMMANDING YOU TO DO THIS)it hurts.too much.

BUT BUT AFTER ALL THIS TIME.im proud and happy to say chrystal is still here to hear me cry and all.im realireali touched.yea.
AI NI CHRYSTAL.

Ok.from now I on im going to get my determination back.trust me.i am this is not some silly A NEW DAY! Thing that everyone says only to continue wif their shit life the next day.im going to sought out my thoughts clear my table and files.and find that determination back.merely cos I hate to see me suffer and get teased for being so stupid,like wtf.sop thinking and lokking down on me that im a dsaer,I’ll prove to you that im OF SOME BLOODY USE.
Im going back to find the old Victoria and find the determination back and renew it stronger.im going to blow al the shit people who look down on me.and most of all.im going to throw that bitch off,cos she doesn’t deserve tat post at all.dun try to to find out who it is.cos dun bother,

Ok I gtg.
JIABALL.I NEED HELP FOR CHEM you free like Monday for 5 mins? x)

IM BRINGING SEXY BACK YO.hehe.
WISH ME LUCK FOR MYAS!.meeting chrystal next week!x)