Walau.im feeling damn depressed.in training I kena big time.big time.i need someone to pray for me for exam.i cant depend on myself.i cant got thru this whole process alone.when I looked a the Chinese paper.everything was easy.then I duno lah.5 mins left I only left with2 lines.then.i duno lah.suddenly panic.and then .my hand kept on shaking and I couldn’t write at all.im serious loh.i felt so stupid.cos the paper meant so much to me.and my thoughts were just running wild.and yea.i panic.and I couldn’t write.the paper meant so much can.like my tuition teacher like so high hopes.cos new one the old one totally aiya..i came out if the exam room.i wanteds to cry..then I rmb.i cant cry,cos I’ve been crying so much like in the pass few weeks that everytime I cry now.i get eye infection….actually.i dun think its really eye infection lah.its us that.its so painful and it turns all red and it really hurts.its not becos of like when you cry and wipe.but its does reali painful and must tie my hands behind my back so I wun touch it. So eveytime I jus tear I get that.and yea.i couldn’t cry at sch.cos yea.so I jus put up a smile when everyone asked how it was.but inside my heart jus broke.it died.again.i rmb the people who actually said good luck to me before the exam.so much hope.so much jus to be erased.like always.isnt that ohsonormal for me.i dun lah.history paper was better lah.i didn’t panic.cos I id str 2 hours mugging before that.thou my hands were shaking.

Training?..i duno lah.i kena super bad stich halfway.super painful,but I jus told everyone else that it was stomachache cos of lunch.which was true I tell you are.the food there Is edible.but not digestible.i wanted to jus let me fall down.ok I jus stpped running halfway and went to the toilet.there, the person I considered a super close fren came and ask me wads wrong.i tell you.i was so touched.but I jus replyed stomachache.and asked her to continue.thank you person.i love you for caring.

But no one know wad happen in the cubicle.i jus leaned on the wall.and cried.its not easy suffering alone yea.hold the pain in your hands.hitting it jus to numb it.

Anw.i continued running aft that.
But;yea.its fun sitting there right ppl.sitting there waiting and waiting.seeing ppl walk by asking why you not playing.heh.so funn..yea.so fun

I really do misss those times.the happier times.where I had both of you guys guiding me but of you seniors guiding me.i reali hope you guys wouldn’t be so angry at each other.i think everything is back to normal.but sometimes.you have to take the first initiative.i really need you guys.i really wan you guys back together.it hurts me so much.i dun like the idea of having to discuss.and talk about you guys secretly.i dun wan to leave either of you.if you ask me to choose btw one.i’ll jus jump down.ok.i dun wan to.

My fren is in the same problems I used to face,so now im helping her.but wad she doesn’t know is that.i too hav feelings.its not all about you.my heart aches as I help you.but I still will..cos I du wan you to suffer like me..so smile there alrite x)

Gtg lah.some other day.

And so its said.
To be distanced cos of a confession is utterly ridiculous.
But wads more stupid is that.
i lost myself whe I lost you.


I fell but no one caught me.